3 Biggest Challenges of A "Large" Family

We’ve all had our epic mommy moments, you know the ones I’m talking about. Some are absolutely magical, the epitomes of parenthood and those rare moments when we are (dare I say it?) almost rewarded for our devotion to our young and then there are the nightmares in public. My clan is no different, and perhaps even more prone to these moments as a “large” family of 6. Yep, strangers marvel at my well behaved ducklings walking in a row.

I use the term “large” because it’s entirely relative, like most things. Our family is not large to me, it’s the perfect size with a bit of room. Through my better half’s eyes, we are a huge family and full to burst! What’s the difference? Well, he comes from a small port town where his family boasted having an abnormally large amount of children; 3. I am a native of Phoenix, AZ and on occasion have been referred to as a white Mexican, by whites and Mexicans both. My name is Inez and I have 9 brothers and sisters, I grew up in the dessert eating chili powder and citric acid as candy, and I love corn with mayo and chili, but I digress. We have a lovely blend of “yours, mine, and ours” that amounts to 4 beautiful and unique daughters that we love more than life itself. Growing up watching my mother dominate 7 young children I had some pretty high standards for myself when the number of kids started piling up on me. At first it was just Liz and I, and that was easy enough (again, relatively speaking of course…for anyone who knows anything about lizzies early years) but then we went from 1 kid to 3 kids, no prepping on the 2 kid level first for me. That was a big change, and at the time I was 22. I was determined that if I had this many children I should be able to take care of this many children, no questions asked. Instead of asking for help, I let myself feel beaten down by feeling inadequate in my role to care for my suddenly growing family, but regardless even if the house was in a state of semi constant disarray my children have always been (pretty) well behaved, especially in public where they feed on the compliments of the elderly like some crazy cute little vampire.

More often than not, these compliments from their parents and other members of their community really boost their self esteem and encourage them to strive for more. They love being referred to so often by other adults as “the good kids” and hearing our family be referred to as the family with “the good kids”. And it does happen often, and it’s happened ever since I had just 1 little baby in my arms. I’m not sure what it is about my parenting style that magnetizes older and younger generations alike to come forth and admire my bond with my children, but I do love it. It is my own personal little “mommy reward”! Of course we have days where everyone is tired, hungry, cranky, breathing too close to someone else and sucking up all the good air as the Atwells would say..but these are few and far between and perfectly normal for any human child. My kids aren’t amazing because they never misbehave, my children are amazing because when they do we work through it together and find a better way.

Yeah..we're good...till you turn around.

I hear all the time from people who are amazed at the way I orchestrate my children in public. They are so used to my chants and mantras they know exactly what to do, and react immediately, flawlessly, when the directions change. When you have 3 little girls running around you all the time you get pretty good at organizing them, and more importantly you get better at anticipating their moves before they even know what they want to do. This is great because I can call out a deterent before they even head that direction, i.e. “Don’t get distracted by the shiny balloons, keep walking..” I will give them it is probably impressive to watch from the other side, but to us it’s just shopping, and shopping usually comes with compliments. Now that they are older and we have the toddler I tend to designate 1 to push, 1 to calculate the math, 1 to keep track of how many sale items we have (during the buy 5 save $5 and similar sales) and help me put things in the cart. They generally switch roles and take turns throughout the course of our trip, and it’s never difficult or takes more than a second or two.

Every time we are stopped and complimented I thank them with the warmest smile I can muster and we continue on our way, but I always wonder if they really know what goes into taking care of a family of 6. It’s a lot. And then I realized I didn’t even know. But I wanted to.

What really goes into caring for a large family? Well, I mulled it over, crunched some numbers, and made a list of the 3 most important things. Here are just a few of the most significant and challenging aspects of raising a large family, to give you a glimpse into my world. And I will say, it was a CHALLENGE to choose only 3! But I was tired...and that made it a little bit easier n_n

Big Families = a bigger stack of never ending bills

Bills – Now, this almost goes without saying but a large family means larger bills. This is unavoidable. That being said, there are plenty of things I already do and new things I am always trying to help offset these expenses. For starters, we strive very hard to conserve electricity during peak hours and save all our high-electric demands for the evening, morning, and weekend. That being said, little things still really add up! I recently did some math on the dryer alone, and using the average of .70 cents per hour and a minimum # of loads of laundry I can run in a week figures out to $325.60 per year drying our clothes. That’s a lot of money for drying your clothes! I definitely foresee a clothes line in our future.

Maybe my kids will get to know the term "clothes-lined" after all...

Now, keep in mind we also have girls. Girls that are slowly turning into teenagers, so there are other routine costs associated with raising them. Now, when my older girls hit this age I will not yet be menopausal, so there will be 4 of us who need unmentioned products. Averaging the brand we use costs about $6 a package, and each of us will likely need (give or take a few) about a package per month. That’s $24 a month, doesn’t seem like so much, but that’s $288 a year on disposable products. Disposable products that are unhealthy for us, and unhealthy for the environment, no less. To offset this I have began using a cup. Don’t cringe ladies, look it up and be set free. I am hoping my daughters will also be open to this option some day, although not likely in the beginning so we’re still looking at $216 worth of disposable products per year until they are comfortable with the idea. (I know this chunk might seem a bit TMI, but it is a reality of raising a large family of girls.)

Who’s keeping track? We’re at $541.60 already and all we’ve done is dried their clothes and purchased lady goods.

Now, as for the rest of our bills, I can’t tell you that much. I know what I do to offset them, and I know what they are from time to time, but for the most part I am a SUPER fortunate woman to be blessed with a man who has freed me from that responsibility and obligation. He shares the information with me, but I don’t have to know about it and I’m not responsible for paying the bills. This doesn’t mean I don’t work, this just means that I’m not required to deal with our family’s finances; he does all it for us and is infinite times better suited for the job

TV service - $15/month for 12 months = $180/year

Internet and phone is about $200 a month, so $2,400/year

Mortgage - $1,000/month - $12,000/year

Water – this varies throughout the year, especially since we are desert gardeners and have a pool. In the summer we use substantially more water, our bill is generally between $180-$250 during the summer, but around $60-$100 in the winter. I did my best to average this out, but I am no math whiz, hence my husband being better suited for the job.

Figuring $200 average for 6 months = $1,200

Figuring $80 average for 6 months = $480

So, figuring an estimate of $1,680 to supply our family with water for the year.

Let’s recap…

Drying clothes - $325.6

Lady Products - $219

TV service - $180/year

Internet and phone - $2,400/year

Mortgage - $12,000/year

Water - $1,680

All that totals up to $16,804.60. That’s only a couple thousand less than what my ex makes in a year, and that’s how much we spend on basic expenses not including food or electricity yet.

Bills take up a lot of money, but there are things you can do to conserve and cut back on them. For us, I definitely see my older girls learning to hang clothes on a clothing line in the near future, which is just about the age I learned. We make homemade vinegar based disinfectants to clean our house, this is cheap and healthier for us! There are all sorts of ways (and tips!) on the internet for reducing your living expenses. Starting with big ones, cutting out services like cable television and not having phones worked for us for many years. Of course now that our children are older we feel obligated to supply them with a telephone, PC, and internet to share. Another tip you might be able to take advantage of if you don’t drive a lot is working out a lesser car insurance for people who travel less than 5K miles a year. You can do a lot to minimize these costs, but the bottom line is it takes a lot of money to raise a big family. And common sense proves correct; larger family equals larger bills and expenses.

Food – This had to be it’s own section, which is why I purposely left it out of the bills. Food for a large family is almost an entity, a living beast if you will that constantly plaques the heart and mind of the mother with a large brood. You can’t really understand it unless you’ve been there, but to give you an idea of what it feels like cooking for a large crowd go watch a dinner time episode of 19 kids and counting. While it’s extreme, it does give you an idea of the chaos and grace that must go into feeding a large family. (And no, this is totally NOT an endorsement for their show, I’m just saying that seeing them prepare food is a reality check of large family feeding.)

There are many aspects I must constantly be thinking about, including but not limited to what’s in my fridge and freezer, what’s in my deep freeze, what’s in my garden, preparing food in anticipation of saving leftovers, and making it all stretch as far as I can.

Fresh, Simple, Easy..Always wins!

Now, I know…I know. I’m a mean mom. When I prepare dinner I don’t give my children the option to pick and choose and fiddle through and pick out only their favorite parts. I gently encourage (make) them eat all their food, and remind them that it all tastes better together, rather than picked apart and eaten individually. That being said, I don’t give them huge portions, and I often don’t make them finish their whole plate if they seem to sincerely be full. When you have this many kids you know the difference between the bored-want-to-do-something-else-I’m-full and the I’m-going-to-explode-if-I-eat-more-I’m-full. So, yeah…I may be a mean mommy, but I will also say that when I took on caring for my husband’s 2 daughters they were very, very picky eaters. They are not anymore, and they are often very willing to try new things. They have even found their favorite versions of food they once swore they hated more than anything in the world, such as potato cups. So, you can call me a mean mommy, but I say it works and it opens them up to a varied diet which they need to be healthy. My 2 blood daughters have not had any picky nature at all and have been open to a wide variety of food since they began their adventures with food. They have of course found foods they don’t like, but they were not picky eaters meaning that there was only a few things they would eat.

We want to save money on the food we feed our family, but we don’t want to sacrifice quality. My husband and I calculated we spend between $1,200 and $1,500 a month on feeding our clan. This doesn’t include what we spend a year on our garden care. Averaging this out to $1,350 we spend $16,200 on food a year. Yikes.

Growing food, relationships, & minds at the same time

How can we possibly hope to offset this?! Well, it’s offset about as much as we can. According to USDA averages a family of 4 with children in our age range spends (in the moderate category) $1064.60 per month. Their yearly bill would be $12,775.2, or about as much as we pay for our house a year if you’ve still been following along. If you divide that by 4, the cost for each individual is $3,193.80. If you apply the same math to my family’s budget, we are feeding our individuals for $2,700 per year. So, as you see…I really can’t “cut” any more cost, I’m already feeding my family for lower than average of the American family with 4 children…so to speak.

And how do I keep it that way? Well, I don’t stockpile like crazy, but I do like to have a few of every staple on hand at any given time. I don’t like to run out of things, in fact I absolutely hate it. It leads to extra store runs, and extra impulse buys. I keep my food stores full, use them wisely and when they are nearing depletion I fill them again. I prefer to make 2 big trips a month, with a small trip or two in between to restock fresh ingredients. I have found a lot of joy and fair success in building up a stockpile through smart sale planning and couponing for several years, but I am a coupon retiree now that I have another toddler running around. Who has time for that with a toddler? Not me, not when I’m already doing so much else by hand and from scratch.

Another important role is not just offsetting the cost, but making the most of what you did have to spend. Often times we are faced with just a small bit of left overs, not enough to warrant precious refridgerator real estate, but none the less enough for a small meal. I used to throw these out and feed them to the dog. Now I kick myself in the bum for not being smarter with my family’s food budget. These little bits are great to shove in a mason jar, cap, and freeze for a rainy day lunch. That means mama don’t feel like cooking. Most of the time you can reheat the contents right in the mason jar, whether you choose microwave or oven that’s up to you, just be careful as the glass will get hot! When I cook a delicious home made meal and I have to spend hours slaving away in the kitchen I also figure I might as well get the most bang for my buck out of it in more ways than one, and cook multiple home made meals, one or two of which go into the deep freeze after they’ve cooled for a quick dinner another night. This plays into my meal planning as it allows me to purchase and use larger pieces of meat and save money there, too.

Oh, and one last note before I move on…I don’t feed my family a lot of meat for both financial and health related reasons. I used to, now I don’t. I started in recent years cooking smaller portions of meat for individual meals and making more meals out of larger pieces. I’ve revised several recipes to use less meat, and my family has had no complaints about this. My children and I have discussed it, and my reasoning to them is that producing the amount of beef it takes to fuel the American diet is doing a lot of damage to the environment. It’s just not practical, and it doesn’t reflect our biological evolved heritage of hunting and small scale farming. It makes sense on a child’s level that as modern humans we are not exerting as much energy hunting or controlling these animals, and therefore we have less of an “energetic right” to the meat. The affects off too much meat and a sedientary lifestyle are obvious all around America. Now, this doesn’t mean we eat chinese food all the time either. In fact, my hubs is not a fan so we eat Asian cuisine maybe once or twice a year if that, although he’s slowly opening up to having it more as he says I make it acceptable lol. We make very American food that you would all recognize, we just use less meat.

For example, like many of our fellow Americans we love a great cheeseburger. There was once upon a time when I painstakingly sculpted the perfect sized hamburger for every member of my family, complete with custom cut buns. Those days are gone! Now when I buy a large package of ground beef I make 6 equal sized patties and put them on wax paper on a cookie sheet and leave them in the deep freeze for a day or two. Then I can focus on turning the rest of the beef into meatballs, loaves, ground hamburger, whatever is on the menu that month. Bugers are always on the menu lol. When it’s time for burgers I pull 3 out (No, that wasn’t a typo, I feed my family of 6 three cheeseburgers for dinner. And everyone walks away full and satisfied! ) and throw them on the grill. While they cook up I wash and chop a head of lettuce, some fresh tomatoes, onions, pickles, and any other peppers or fun veggie add-ins we may have on hand at the time (I know it’s not a vegetable, but this has included bacon several times :9 ) When the salad is assembled in a large bowl I cover it, preheat the oven, and return to the burgers with spices and cheeses. I almost always add my spices during the end of cooking and I’ll tell you why. 1) most spices barely permeate the meat anyway, no reason to add early 2) many spices lose their greatness when cooked too long or at too high of heat such as garlic turning bitter 3) you can taste it more! So, season the burgers, top with cheese, and bring them in to rest for a moment before I hack them up. While the burgers rest I throw a few sesame seed buns in the oven to toast up and then slice them like tiny little breadsticks. (Note: If your confident in your grill skills you can skip using the oven and save a bit of money by toasting them on the grill after the burgers!) I serve with choices of ranch, ketchup, or mustard, but my family usually eats it as is without any condiment. I usually put a lot of mustard on it. I freaking love mustard. (whats wrong with me?)

Attention – So, as you’ve seen, it takes an incredible amount of work and constant planning to manage a large family. I wish I could say I always gave each of my children enough attention, but the reality is in a large family you never feel like you’ve given them enough 1 on 1. Siblings love each other, and they should, but they should also have access to one on one time with their parents and/or family caregivers, too. This made a huge difference in my childhood of so many children, and I clearly remember getting special 1 on 1 moments with all my parents. I’m sure they probably worried, too, if they were giving their children enough, but like many parents you are just doing the best you can.

Here’s some ways we’ve worked out to try to make sure our children get the individual attention they need in a large family.

1 on 1, makes all the difference to a child..

Coupons/Tokens/Tickets – small trinkets, tokens, and coupons really helped. It’s a physical affirmation that you are proud of them and have noticed their deed (whatever they are being rewarded for). Even as my children approach their teenage years, they love a good coupon that they know was written just for them with a reason on the front and a “good for…” on the back.

Through out my children’s lives I often send them to school with lunch too. I have a pretty open policy, they have a choice and they write down their initials on days they want to take a lunch. That way if they go to bed and forgot to tell me or I forgot to ask, I can just check the board and see who needs a lunch the next day. Lunches are a great way to sneak in a little extra special feeling even when you can’t be there. I love to leave notes, an extra special treat like a cookie perhaps, or just a little doodle of a smiley face if I’m super strapped for time. Little things go a long way, and that’s very true for spreading attention amongst a family of 6.

If you can survive those things (bills, food, attention) you just MIGHT have what it takes to raise a “large” family. Obviously, there’s a lot more that goes into it, but in my humble opinion, mastering those 3 things is crucial to survival of the large family unit. Now then, I’ve survived another super long day loving my large family and I’m going to end this blog post, perhaps prematurely, to get some R & R. Goodnight!

#family #financial #budgeting #meals #feedinglargefamily