Why I (a hearing parent) Get Along With Deaf Teachers Better
When I first learned I was going to be a mum all those years ago some of my very first thoughts on the subject centered around my childs future education. Before she was even born I was planning her education, making educational coloring books, and studying different philosophies from around the world I would love to share with and impart on her. And I have to say, not much has changed between now and then.
Given Lizzies hearing impairment she started school much younger than most kids. In fact, she actually started early for most deaf children, too. We were made aware of her hearing loss at 11 months of age, and from then on took a very proactive approach. We were geared up and ready for Head Start well before age 3, as my bright little lady was already signing her abc's and 123's. Mommy made her full page flash cards and laminated them for toddler Lizzie, who loved her bright colorful learning cards. We had flash cards for everything from our alphabet to our nightly routine, anything I could do to make her life make more sense to her.
We were working close with a wonderful woman named Linda, as well as several wonderful therapists. At the urging of one of her therapists, Linda agreed to let Liz join in on the Head Start summer school program before she turned 3. She spent a month playing and engaging with the other kids at school and did wonderfully. She started Head Start / CHIC the following year, which was run by the Phoenix Day School for the Deaf, but out of several other public schools in the valley. How it worked was that 3 schools each volunteered 1-3 classrooms for CHIC, so there were several locations around the valley. Every CHIC teacher we had was a hearing, english speaking person, and I have to say...I didn't always agree with everything they said and teach, but that's a topic for another day.
When Lizzie began kindergarten we made the shift to PDSD's main campus, and recieved our first deaf teacher. He is a wonderful, wonderful teacher by the name of Mr. Cobb. Mr. Cobb taught us many things, but most importantly to appreciate and respect our deaf daughter exactly as she was, and we are eternally indebted to him for that. He taught young Lizzie to sign "I want a break from implant", as he understood her feelings on the subject quite well. Mr. Cobb and I worked together through the year to educate my daughter and myself. We were all feeling really good, until the end of the year IEP and Deer Valley Unified School District came in insulting deaf culture and threatening to pull my daughter from their school but again...that's a story for another day. At any rate, Mr. Cobb and I became close. He saw a side of me that didn't always understand my daughter but was willing to fight tooth and nail for her regardless, and he saw my willingness to learn with her and help her become all she could be.
For first grade we had a god send of a teacher named Sharon. Sharon was deaf, and as I would later learn gradually lost her hearing in her teenage years. She was energetic, enthusiastic, and has the most sparkling and sweet eyes you'll ever see. She cared a great deal for each student in her class, and was so thrilled to have a family eager and ready to learn. I didn't always have time to make it up to school to ask the teacher about signs with 3 small children to look after, but Sharon was more than willing (and came up with the idea) to take a video in class each week of Lizzie signing her spelling words. She would email me that video, and that way I'd know for sure. Sharon and I emailed all the time, almost daily, about Lizzie's progress and education. Everytime I see her on campus to this day she comes up and gives me a hug, asks me about my children, and we always have a nice little chat. But...one day we had a not so nice little chat.
See, being involved parents for us means being at the school for all open houses, events, parties, and field trips. We never really thought much of it, but everytime we'd enter the room this group of children would flock us. They'd sign rapid-fire at us as fast as they could about everything and anything they wanted to discuss. Mike and I would always do our best to try to pay attention to each child and answer their questions the best we could. One day, while the children were at specials and we were talking with Sharon she came to us with tears in her eyes. This shocked us. You have to understand that Sharon is an incredibly strong (although "fun sized" as my daughter would call her lol) and brave woman. I have never seen her let an interpreter speak for her, and I think that's commendable. Yes, she talks like a hearing impaired person...or at least a person who hasn't heard in over 30 years, but you can understand her. All you have to do is want to communicate, and pay attention. At any rate...she came to us crying, and told us that she lost her hearing at 14 years of age. She told us she was about to turn 52, and that no one in her family spoke sign language yet. We felt terrible for this woman, but didn't completely understand why she was telling us this. Then she proceeded to tell us that most deaf children don't have anyone to talk to at all in life, and so when they find someone they can talk to- such as mike and i- they try to get every second out of it they can. She thanked us for taking the time to learn to speak our childs language, and for taking the time to give each of Lizzie's classmates some attention. She cautioned us that Lizzie has a rough road ahead, and she will often feel out of place and misunderstood, like all teenagers...but that she will outgrow it, too, and when she does she will realize the odds she faced and how lucky she got to be blessed with parents who were willing to learn for her. It brought tears to our eyes, and this is largely why we have grown so close to this teacher. Not because she complimented us, but because she made us realize the world from a deaf childs eyes and how important it is to keep learning and keep improving right alongside her.
For 2nd grade we had a great teacher named Priscilla. As great as the year was, I can't say I honestly remember much about her, other than the pinata. Don't bring a pintata to a deaf birthday party lol.
Our 3rd grade teacher was scary, I'm not going to lie. See, even though Sharon and Mr. Cobb were both deaf, they both also spoke. Our 3rd grade teacher was deaf, and used no qued speech of any kind. Signing with this man meant reaching a whole new skill level just to keep up, let alone respond. I felt like a child trying to keep up with him, and he could tell I was insecure. He told me not to be, that the fact that I was standing there infront of him trying to learn spoke a lot to my character and that with determination I would get better and sign like an adult. Before too long I got a letter from her teacher stating that Lizzie was reading incorrectly. She was reading in english, not ASL. I had to say..that kind of stumped me. My sarcastic side was so tempted to respond with something like "I doubt that!" or "I think you've got the wrong kid...", but I didn't. Instead, I emailed back that I didn't exactly understand, and perhaps we should arrange to have a small conference to discuss it further. He agreed, and we set a day where he could teach me to read "like a deaf person"(his words, not mine!)
The day came and I was understandabley nervous. He was using words I had never heard, let alone signed. He must have seen my insecurity and frustration with myself, as he grabbed a small white board and marker so we could write at critical moments of communication breakdown. We then went on to practice and learn about reading as a deaf person would for a few hours, until Liz and I were both doing it correctly. Then he tried to tell me something he thought I should know; He told me most deaf children have no one to talk to or learn from in life and that 1 day my Liz would know how lucky she was to have a family such as ours. I thanked him for his kind words, but told him they were also unneccesary. Any good mother should do this for their child; Adapt, learn, grow. What I have been doing is nothing special, but it is nice to hear. Or..see, lol.
And next year we will be starting middle school at PDSD! We are both nervous and excited, and we will be going into the Life Skills program. When we began discussing that route I requested a tour of the "regular" deaf ed middle school classes as well as the life skills classes.
I was about half way through my LS tour when the fire alarm went off and we had to assemble on the field. As we walked over the LS teacher (female, hearing) that I had been sitting in with introduced me to the 2nd LS teacher, who was deaf. We chatted for several minutes before the hearing teacher began pushing on why I didn't attend their free sign language classes. I explained to her that with them starting and ending so late on school nights it's rather hard to fit everything in, yet still she kept pushing. Then, a child who knew me came up and began signing. We chatted for a bit, she asked me what I was doing there and I explained. Then I noticed Lizzie in line a few rows over and chatted with her. Then I noticed Mr. Cobb right next to us and talked to him for awhile. Then I saw Sharon across the field with 3rd grade teacher and I had to stop and think, and so did the person who was insisting I learn ASL.
After watching me chat with several deaf individuals t he LS teacher said it was such a good thing i sign, because "so few parents do". This made me ponder more, and all of a sudden I realized I always have a better relationship with deaf teachers. Then I had to wonder why?! It stands to reason that I would have a better relationship with those who are similar to me and easy to communicate with, but this isn't the case at all.
The answer is easy, it's because I can't resort to english with them. I must practice, and i must use my sign in order for them to communicate with me. They understand my skill level better than the hearing teacher whom I generally just talk to, even though the hearing teachers see me working on homework with her and showing up at every function just the same as the deaf teachers did.
What are your experiences? Do you get along with hearing or hearing impaired teachers best? I'm curious to hear your thoughts!
