Hindsight Is 20/20
We've all heard that expression, right? Always followed by the 'if only I'd have known/noticed/realized sooner...' We've all felt that way in life at one time or another. Some of those "if only's" are a little more serious than others.
Here's an "if only" of mine I'd like to share with other families, in hopes that it might come soon enough for you.
I am raising two 9 year old children side by side, one is hearing and one is not. They both speak ASL, and one speaks English as a primary language. Avery speaks English and ASL, Lizzie speaks ASL. Avery's language and communication skills are considerably better in her native language than Lizzie's are in her native language.
We see a lot of outbursts from her. I tend not to share this information a lot, who brags about their kids rough days? But the truth of the matter is Lizzie has a serious behavior problem. She is very immature for her age, whines and throws fits when she doesn't get her way. Now, I know all kids have a rough day, Avery has some herself and is the exact same age (1 month apart) but the thing is Lizzie has days like this more often than not. That is why I consider it a behavior issue, not a phase or a momentary thing.
I noticed one day that Avery was telling me all these plans she had for her future. She was asking me about what it's like to get your first job, your first apartment, would dad and I help her get a car, all that good stuff children wonder about their futures. It occurred to me Lizzie never asked these things, and I had to wonder why. It wasn't for a lack of language skills, because she had the language neccesary to wonder and ask about these things.
Then I realized the problem was me. I had never spelled out in sign language, "part 1 you're born, part 2 you're a kid, part 3 you're a teen, part 4...you're all grown up."
Now, Liz and I had discussed growing, aging, birthdays and she realizes all of this. But I never discussed with her what her responsibilities would become as she became an adult herself. I wasn't preparing her for her future as well as I was Avery.
I tested the waters first, and wrote a short story with no pictures. It was called "Lizzie Goes to the Store" and had her read it on the way to school. She was hooked! I wrote a second one, "Lizzie Learns To Drive" and she was beside herself with the idea that she would one day be taught to drive. I had been taking for granted that she understood her day would come for these things, but I never really quite spelled it out for her the way I should have.
Since Liz enjoyed the books so much and I have some skills as an artist I took it to the next level and turned the grocery shopping book into a childrens story with illustrations. She loved it, and she commented almost every page, "Look Mom! It's me as a grown up!" "Look, I'm shopping!" "Look Mom, I'm taking care of myself!" It melted Mommy's heart. The book was written to reality, meaning that in the book Lizzie is as she is in real life. Lizzie got to see herself using gestures and a pen and paper to navigate communicating with those who didn't speak her language at the grocery store.
Because the truth is I won't always be there for her. I'm her support group, her translator, her chef, her chauffer, her butler, her everything....but most importantly, I need to be her foundation to a good life. And that starts with giving her the right tools to realize now how important her own success is!
